You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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