youre lurking in front of me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
