You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
