I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
