i think my mom watched the whole time
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How's work?
Spinning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
