He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
