We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
