Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
