Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
