is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
