Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
