Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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