you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize