this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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