If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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