If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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