one two three fourrrrnication!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
