4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
