Fine. I'll sleep in my office
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
