she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
