dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize