I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
