i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
