he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
