his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
