you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
