is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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