There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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