do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
