How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
There's even glitter on my cock...
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