just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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