So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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