im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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