I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
