My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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