i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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