I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Four minutes until I can fart!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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