I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
