I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
