i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
