i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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