you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
