i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
