Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
