i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
