So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
how does that bad decision feel?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
