how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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