big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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