we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
