I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
