Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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