i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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