I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
