Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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