I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize