I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
