Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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