you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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