Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
