just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
