If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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