Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize