I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
