I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
