He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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