he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize