I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize