Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
