this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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