My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
